I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.'
-- Oscar Levant AA

Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
-- Russell Baker AA

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.
-- Olin Miller AA

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
-- Tom Lehrer AA