I've accepted that I'm not going to die of natural causes, [but] getting killed 'cuz you're naturally a dick seems like natural causes to me.
-- Randy K. Milholland AA

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
-- Henny Youngman AA

In heaven all the interesting people are missing.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche AA

If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.
-- Mickey Mantle AA