One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.
-- Kurt Vonnegut AA

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
-- James Thurber AA

The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else.
-- Umberto Eco AA

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
-- Arthur C. Clarke AA